Domestic Violence
Are you being hurt or controlled? Do you know
someone who is? Domestic Violence is abuse by a current or former,
spouse or a boyfriend or girlfriend, in order to maintain power and
control over the other person. The abuse can take many forms including
verbal, emotional, psychological, physical, sexual, and economic.
Domestic violence can happen to anyone.
Abuse is:
- Learned behavior
- Often repeated and escalating
- Coercive and targeted
- Present in all ages, races, ethnicities, cultures, sexual orientations, religions, economic and education level
- Carried out in an environment of fear and intimidation
Warning Signs of Domestic Violence
Many victims are taken by surprise the first time their partner hits them. Does your partner or ex-partner:
- Regularly criticize you, call you names or minimize your feelings?
- Make you feel afraid or unsafe?
- Hit, punch, slap, kick, shove, strangle or bite you?
- Destroy or steal your belongings?
- Abuse, threaten, intimidate, or manipulate your children?
- Isolate you from family, friends or community?
- Threaten to “out” you or criticize your sexuality?
- Threaten to hurt your friends, family or pets?
- Threaten to deport you or not submit immigration papers for you?
- Control your access to money or a car?
- Prevent you from going where you want when you want?
- Deny you food, clothing, sleep or medications?
- Have affairs, accuse you of having affairs, or force you to have sex against your will?
- Use weapons or objects to hurt or threaten you?
Safety at Work and in Public
- Talk to office or building security and provide a picture of your abuser
- Screen your calls
- If you are in school, inform your adviser and the security office
- Have someone escort you to your car
- Use a variety of routes to go home if possible
- Devise a plan should something happen while going home
Safety at Home
- To leave an abusive relationship safely, advance planning is essential.
- If an argument seems unavoidable, have access to an exit
- Know how to get out of your home safely
- Identify one or more neighbors that you can
tell about the violence, and ask that they call 911 if they hear a
disturbance coming from your home
- Choose a code word to use with your children, family, friends, and neighbors when you need the police
- Plan where you will go if you have to leave (even if you don’t think you will ever need to)
- Identify safe places you can go in an emergency
- Have a packed bag ready and keep it at a relative’s or a friend’s home in case you need to leave quickly
Should I call the police?
YES. If you are being threatened
or hurt call 9-1-1. If you fear for your safety, ask the dispatcher to
stay on the line until police arrive.
Remember - If you are in danger - call 9-1-1
Establish Your Independence
Have access to the following:
- Identification such as a driver’s license, social security card, green card, or passport
- Important papers such as birth certificates,
insurance information, school and health records, welfare and
immigration documents, and divorce or other court documents
- Money, credit cards, bank account number, and ATM cards
- Copies of your protection order
- Keys (for home, car, and office)
- Medications and prescriptions
- Phone numbers and addresses
- Clothing and comfort items for you and your children
- Jewelry and other valuables
- A savings account in your own name
- A shelter phone number
If You Are a Friend or Family Member
If you know or suspect that someone is being abused, there are ways you can help:
- Do not blame the victim
- Allow the victim to make her own decisions
- Review a safety plan with the victim
- Offer to receive mail for the victim, or drive her to the police station, doctor’s office or court
- Stay in contact, even if the abuser makes it difficult
- Educate yourself further about domestic violence
- Be a good listener: Talk about what will work for the victim, NOT what you think you would do in the same situation
What is a Protection Order?
A protection order is issued by a court and tells
the abuser to not “harass, molest, intimidate, retaliate against or
tamper with” the victim. A protection order may also be known as a
restraining order, a civil protection order, or a no contact order.
Anyone may request a civil protection order, whether or not they have
contacted the police. A filing packet may be obtained from the court or
by contacting a domestic violence agency for assistance in filing for
an order. A mandatory protection order is automatically entered in all
criminal domestic violence cases.
